the elevator December 7, 2009

It started out as a discipline because I had pushed all the buttons on the elevator going to breakfast this morning. I didn’t realize that there was a woman waiting in the lobby for the elevator, so R has decided it was an action to be punished.

Since knowing him, I know when an actual discipline is gonna happen, it is always better to prepare ahead instead of waiting for him to instruct me take of my bottoms, get in position etc..so when he came out of the bathroom when we were back in the room, I was already in position for him *gulp*

He recently acquired a bath brush, that when applied vigorously to a bare bottom HURTS! It was pure punishment that had me kicking and curling my toes and grabbing the bedspread with my hands crying and promising never to push buttons again. In fact, when we left, he pushed the elevator button because I didn’t want to! Needless to say, it was effective.

When it was over, I lay there, breathing heavy, sweaty, and thoroughly punished. But it wasn’t enough. My butt was sore and throbbing. But I wanted more. And I told him that I wanted a long hard spanking. He began to spank with his hand. And asked harder? Harder? Progressively getting harder.

And I told him that I didn’t want to control it. I didn’t want to say what implements he could or couldn’t use. I didn’t want to control how long or hard, etc.

He spanked me for 50 minutes straight using damn near all the implements he owned. Canes, straps, floggers, paddles. I just lay there holding a pillow, not saying anything except for a few cries when it was a particularly hard smack.

I was so sore I couldn’t move for minutes afterward and just lay there whimpering.

I don’t know why I wanted one that would hurt that bad. I knew it would hurt because I gave up complete control. But it felt so good afterward. It felt so right and even though I sneezed about 5 minutes ago and I felt my butt renew throbbing from that action. It was so perfectly right for what I wanted and needed these past few weeks.

Everyone Wants A Paper! November 13, 2009

No lie!

Every single one of my professors wants a paper of some sort done. Well, duh, this is college right? But did they have to make them all due the same week? So I am up to my eyeballs in psychological theories of intelligence quota testing…..busy evaluating how effective classroom behaviors impact and reflect of curriculums in middle school, analyzing the three waves of feminism since the 19^th century, and something else that I can’t remember at the moment.

*sigh*

So I have a really awesome post that I owe you guys about a great weekend, but when I find the time to post it, I will.

Someone want to write a paper for me? *wink*

underestimated November 3, 2009

I’ve been lost in a whirlwind of school and activity lately. I feel like I don’t have the chance to sit down and breathe, let alone compile a coherent post. But I’ve been doing laundry tonight, and some took took my clothing out, so it’s back in the dryer, and I am up waiting another hour for my clothing back.

Blog time!

Lately, I’ve been feeling very underestimated in the scene. I feel like people don’t see me as an adult, or as an equal in terms of scene play. Yes, I am young. I realize that, but there’s nothing I can do about that! People express surprise when they find out that I am only 18. Did I hear you just gasp? I know some of you did. You’re surprised right? Sorry that I found my way into the scene so young, but I am happy here! I want to smack people when they wax lyrical about not letting people online until they are 21, or not being allowed to a party or a munch or a meet until they’re 21. It’s ridiculous. For me, and I know I am an oddity, but by the time I am 21, I will be out of college, at least in my last semester of college. This right now is my chance to explore and discover. I don’t want to throw away these opportunities because of what someone else may think.

I’ve met many people in the scene who claim to be motherly, and try and tell me that I am too young, I don’t know what I am doing, come back in a few years. Yet, these same women are the ones talking about what they were doing when they were much younger that I am now! Hello, Pot? It’s Kettle. You’re black! It can’t work both ways. If at 18 years old, and a college sophomore, I am too young to be curious about the scene world, what the hell were they thinking when they were 15, 16 years old?

Mini tirade over.

I just wish more people would see me, the person, instead of me, the age. I am not as innocent as I look, even though I continue to learn about the world of TTWD every day. Do I consider myself an expert? Hell no, but I deserve a fair crack at the whip. (pun intended)

And I miss him October 30, 2009

The freedoms of youth had not yet been erased from our memories by the looming adulthood in our futures. The world was our stage, our podium, ours to take. And, then like a sharp knife, piercing through idealistic childhood dreams, reality hit and we realized death does not discriminate. It takes the old and the young, the sick and the healthy……the college freshman who had so much potential and such a presence on campus. To know him, to be best friends, or just an acquaintance was enough to make you smile, because HE made you smile.

I thought of him tonight as I was looking on Facebook. For some reason I found a picture of him from Halloween many years ago, back when we were all in middle school. He was wearing a fat ballerina outfit, holding a bucket, grinning like the world was his, and only his. I guess he was about 12 in that picture. You could tell it in his face, he hadn’t lost the boyish chubby face quite yet, and his hair wasn’t styled in the buzzed way that became his trademark on campus.

I started laughing at it, so hard and then I realized that I was crying. I cried for I don’t know how long….just thinking thoughts that had been suppressed for so long. I began to look through all the pictures people added on his memorial page….family portraits from when he was a baby up until his first semester at college. It was cathartic….it was hard to look, but at the same time nice to remember him again. His smile….his casual posture, everything.

A car accident took him away from us last November, a day before Thanksgiving Break was over. Going back to campus was hard….just knowing that we all assumed we would be back, life would continue on….and it was. It was extremely hard walking around campus. Going to classes, knowing he wasn’t there, and wasn’t going to walk in late, or be in the cafeteria joking about skipping class. The seat next to me in English was empty. No one sat there even though we were free to sit where ever. Everyone knew it was his spot. Right in the center of the classroom.

I didn’t know him well enough to pretend that he was my best friend. We were first semester freshman, still making friendships, discovering who were where, and adjusting to living together, away from home. But he was a friend. He was the kid in English who made me laugh. He was the kid who was a friend to a lot of people. He was a kid who made an impact on his campus community even though he was only there for a semester.

I had planned to blog about him at the end of November when it would have been a year since he died, but that picture tonight brought up so much that I had to talk about him tonight. But it feels good to remember him now, seeing a picture where he was so obviously happy and carefree. That’s how he lived life, that how’s people acted around him because he was so happy and so fun.

And I miss him.

I forget October 29, 2009

First of all, Phillies took Game 1 of the Series! Looking good boys!

I can’t believe it’s the end of October! Where has the year gone to?

I had thought of a serious topic earlier when I was in class, and thought it would make for a good discussion, but for the life of me, I can’t remember what I was going to say. A little disappointing, but I can’t help but think that if I can’t remember it, maybe it wouldn’t have made for a good blog post. If I remember down the road, I guess I will have to reconsider.

Right now, I am feeling wiped. I keep wanting to go to sleep, so I may go and try that again.

Yawn…

Real Estate October 25, 2009

I would never call myself a people person. Yet, I am not that shy of a person. In fact, I am not a fan of the word shy, and would describe myself as “reserved” when you first get to know me. That doesn’t last long tho. I generally find comfort in the situation I am in, or I leave.

I don’t like to rush into things quickly. Spanking being one of them. Spanking being one of the most important things I am careful about. There are so many tendencies to get hurt in the scene. Knowingly and unknowingly, which is why I tread carefully in the scene and when looking at potential partners. I’ve been hurt many times in life, in the scene and outside of it. I don’t want it to happen again.

Like I said, I am not a shy person. I speak my mind when I want to speak my mind to who I want to speak my mind to. I am comfortable in the scene at clubs I have attended, my ass has been bared for many an onlooker looking for some spank high. I’ve turned down countless people at these clubs seeing my ass and wanting a piece of it. My ass is not rental property. You can’t spank and leave. You better sure as hell mean something to me. Those are the only people who spank me.

I would never do a video for anyone, it’s not my style. I don’t think putting your ass on camera for hundreds of people to see is fun or amusing, nor would I get a thrill out of it. My ass isn’t real estate like I said already.

Being outgoing and (hopefully) charming doesn’t mean that I am easy access. Far from it. Yes, feel free to approach me and ask me how I am. Get to know find out what my favorite color is (it’s not red or pink or purple……), find out what position is best, what my favorite implement is…..

DON’T just assume that because one is a top and one is a bottom there is immediately a reason and justifiable cause to spank. It doesn’t work that way. Not for me.

leather October 20, 2009

I HATE leather. I really do, with a strong surging passion.

I’ve always been a wood girl. I love wooden paddles, spoons, canes. YUM! But not leather. I’ve been spanked by it, but it is never my CHOICE for a leather implement. I can handle a tawse, they’re fine by me, actually can be a bit enjoyable, but belts are a HUGE limit. No one spanks me with a belt. EVER. Leather paddles aren’t my favorite, I would prefer a nice wood one to leather any day of the week.

It is just who I am. I know a lot of people prefer leather for the sting factor, but for some reason I am drawn to the thud factor of wood. Oh, and I love canes. Absolutely adore them. My bottom can be screaming for mercy, but my head is demanding more and more caning.

I feel like wood is in many respects a safer implement to play with because a Top will pay more careful attention to what they are doing. Particularly because there is no flexibility with wood, so aim is very important. Well, aim is important regardless, but you get the general point.

So yes, wood is good!

to blog…. October 20, 2009

I wanted to be more vigilant in this blog, but there are times when I simply don’t know what to blog about, so I remove myself from the scene for how over long it takes for me to think of something to say. I think it pretty inane to blog a bunch of bullshit when everyone knows that’s not what you care about.

The truth is I’ve been horribly busy, so much to the point that I am not quite sure what sleep is anymore. I am sure I will remember in a few days time tho….I just need some time to myself.

It’s not coming to tonight though! Phillies won 5-4. Party time!

Classes Canceled! September 30, 2009

I love when class gets canceled. It’s just a nice surprise in the middle of a hetic life. Two of my classes this week were canceled, and while I feel bad for the professors (who are both combating illness) it’s nice to have extra time to myself to get some work done, fit in an extra hour at the gym, or even just spend some mindless time online.

My family came down to campus a few days ago because of an award ceremony I was being honored in. It was fun, too many professional photographs (I am not a big fan of photographs), but a nice day overall. The sun was out, the sky was clear and pristine, and no birds pooped on anyone’s head. That’s actually a success story! We had a nice lunch and a day on the town, and it’s funny to say, but the best part was that my parent’s bought me groceries. Living on campus, working a part time job with no car doesn’t leave me much money for food!!

So it was a good time, a great weekend, and I have food!

Spanked! September 23, 2009

I got spanked this weekend. Spanked and spanked and spanked and I loved every single moment of it.

I had a few extensive sessions with the cane, and I completely fell into a subspace so deep and almost magical it was sad when I felt myself coming out of it. I don’t even know how many spankings I got overall, but that isn’t really the point. I enjoyed myself, I got my bottom blistered and I left from that weekend feeling refreshed, de-stressed and most importantly HAPPY.

The strain of this semester is a lot, and I needed a bright (and happily sore) spot in my life to cheer me up. I am still tender and bruised, but it is the best feeling I’ve had in awhile